A UNESCO officer came to India to educated Indian couples on birth control. He gathered about hundred couples in a hall but on looking at the dilated eyes of these men and women, he found himself at a loss on how to start. After a moment of reflection, he decided to start by asking the couples how frequent they had sex.

“Please indicate by raising your hands,” he started, “who amongst you have sex every night?”

Nobody raised a hand.

“Who amongst you have sex once a week?” he asked.

Less than a dozen people raised their hands. He nodded.

“Who amongst you have sex once a month?”

A majority of the couples raised their hands. There were smiles of relief across the room. Couples looked around and felt good they were with the majority.

The UNESCO man nodded. He wanted to start his lecture but paused. For fun, he asked: “who amongst you have sex once a year?”

Immediately he asked the question, he turned to the board to begin writing. Then he heard some couples murmuring. He turned to the class and saw a man raising his hands high and smiling wide.

“What is so funny about having sex once a year?” he asked the man.

“Because tonight is the night,” the man answered.

***

I was doing a research on sex when I had an eureka moment. And here is it:

The conservative nature of a society is inversely proportional to how adventurous the society was few generations ago. (You can call this the Rudolf’s 1st law of social behavior. I am still working on the second.)

I did not know that Indians have sex. I mean, I know there are over one billion Indians but I always thought many of them were made in test tubes. You do not blame me or anyone with such a view because the Indians we see today are some of the most conservative people in the world.

But it has not always been like that. I found that out the hard way. One day after Psychology 202 class, I was debating Freud with Vejay’s twin daughters at the back of my car when without a warning, they grabbed …

Just kidding.

I was looking at a picture book on India and I saw the sculptures around Mukteswara Temple and at Lakshmana temples among others. Jesus Christ! Gadamn it. These Indians were kinky. WTF! Sex the Kama Sutra text believed could be utilized for enlightenment.

And then there is the tantric text and the quest for perpetual bliss by way of sex. It comes with it the promise of erotic ecstasy, sexual magic, expanded orgasm(one hour orgasm that covers the whole body), soul-to-soul sex, wonder, astonishment, awakening, higher consciousness and more wonder. It even promises a love making that opens the veil. The veil. The evil veil.

I was obviously born in at the wrong time and in the wrong continent. I missed a great opportunity to be a guru.

Long time ago, while the world was sleeping, the Indians discovered sex. Two thousand years ago, the Indians were doing sexual things some societies will not get to try in the next two thousand years.

I am interested in knowing what happened to those Indians. Were they extinct? But more importantly, how did the Indians discover sex?