He did not leave a note.

By doing so, he left many - his family, friends and colleagues at a loss as to why.

Death, in and of itself, is traumatic. Death by suicide must obviously be the most traumatic of them all.

Not long ago, I wrote a short story I called “A Long Suicide Note.” It was a twist in the typical story of a young man who killed himself when he lost out in a love quest. After writing my story, I decided to google suicide and see if I could see a real suicide note. To my surprise, I encountered a site that published real suicide notes of people who died. It was creepy reading them. The weight of their suicide notes reduced my fiction to sheer intellectual exercise.

Whatever the medical, cultural, legal, philosophical and religious interpretations of suicide is, the central theme is that those who commit suicide see it as the only option in the face of unbearable pain that could come from depression, shame, financial challenges, medical conditions, cultural circumstances, political situations and social state.

What causes pain varies from one person to another. Our tolerable threshold of pain also varies greatly. When weighed down by pain, our ability to withstand depends on the pain absolving resources at our disposal. Like car shock absolver, the one found in Mercedes is far superior to the one found in a Kia. Driving on the same road with the same potholes one feels the bumps according to the kind of shock absolver one has in the car.

Often, people who kill themselves are those who feel they could not bear the pain any longer. They feel they have come to the end of the road and the only way out is to take their own lives. But is it really the only way out? Does killing oneself provide an escape? Is there really no other way to reduce pain? Do we really run out of ways to cope with pain?

I come from Igbo society where suicide is an abomination. Someone who commits suicide is going to be buried like a dog. This is usually done by strangers as the victim’s kins are not allowed to touch him or her. That is why Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart was dumped into the evil forest despite his heroic achievements for his hometown.

While some plan their suicide, others do not plan. When they are suddenly overwhelmed by pain they act.

In trying to prevent suicide, it may be important for everyone to have a plan for the worst possible pain imaginable. Just like a fire drill is aimed at practicing what to do in the case of fire. I have told those around me that in the worst case scenario, I will move to Brazil. It will be a foreign land where I can have a new beginning, a new language and hopefully a better luck. I believe I may touch the rainbow in that Amazon rain forest. A chance that is better than death. It is my drill. And chances are that in the face of unbearable pain, I will access that option before I consider suicide.

About one million people kill themselves each year across the world with another ten million attempting suicide. In the United States, 55% of suicides that occurred in 2005 were committed with guns. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suicides accounted for 55 percent of the United States’ 31,000 firearm deaths in 2005. Suicides typically outnumber homicides by 2:1 in the U.S. While females attempt more suicides than males, males are more likely to die from suicide. Only 12 – 37% of people who commit suicide leave notes.

Because only 22% of those who commit suicide were diagnosed as mentally ill before they committed suicide, this phenomenon deserves greater attention. It starts by asking the simple question: is suicide the answer?

It is an easier question to ask now than when one becomes a survivor.

He did not leave a note. Now I am at a loss as to why he did it?