The Nigerian State Security Service, the SSS, is so incompetent that they screw up jobs that Ajegunle police department can handle. And you know how bad you have to be to be worse than the Nigerian Police Force.

The arrest of Jonathan Elendu of the Elendureports.com is the latest of these SSS screw ups. Each display of incompetence makes a serious observer say, ‘this SSS sef.’ But this latest one is too pathetic that it is not even funny.

First and foremost, the SSS said they were questioning Mr. Elendu about state secrets that were leaked to online news sites. In fact, the SSS mentioned Saharareporters as the site in question. Any yahoo boy in an internet café in Lagos would tell you that Mr. Elendu does not work for Saharareporters.com. How the almighty SSS failed to know that is not a surprise to all those who know the sham the SSS is?

We might as well say it here that the state secrets in question were pictures of Yar’Adua’s son, Musa, playing with bundles of crispy N1000 Naira notes in his bedroom and riding along the streets of Abuja in a convertible with a 2007 election leftover automatic weapon in his hands. This boy is only 13 years old.

If the SSS wants to know the source that gave the pictures to Saharareporters.com, they should bus all staff of Aso Rocks to Okija and have them appear before the famous shrine and take an oath in the evil forest. Okija shrine produces instant results. Using Okija shrine instead of importing washed up juju priests from Niger and Benin Republics keeps the money and the job at home.

Seriously, the Nigerian SSS is an embarrassment to all secret services of the world. How could someone send a text message that Yar’Adua has resigned but instead of finding the source of the test message, the SSS went to an independent news media that broadcasted the email alert, arrested its workers and shut down the TV channel? Is there madness bigger than that?

Chances are than many Nigerians do not know anyone in the SSS. I do. And they are not the brightest crayons in the box. Even if they keep their mouth shut, you can still see it by looking at their composure, their burning desire to display raw power.

I also know people who know people in the SSS – higher ups. Again, they are not the brightest crayons in the box. The stories these SSS tell make you sorry for them, for the state they are supposedly protecting and for the tax payers who pay their salaries.

It is not their fault that they are not the brightest. But that is not the reason for them to continue to embarrass us all with their actions.

Now back to Mr. Elendu. Some well connected politicians want to show Jonathan Elendu pepper for different reasons. They do not have to drag the SSS into settling their personal scores. They do not have to make Elendu a hero for press freedom and human rights. Whatever problem they have with Elendu could be handled by any police station near you.

On their part, the SSS should not pretend that in Elendu they have napped the source of the leaks Aso Rocks have been experiencing in recent months. It is self-deceit on the part of the SSS. Yar’Adua may pat them on the back but soon it would all be seen as a farce. Elendu stopped doing investigative job more than three years ago.

It is a shame that the real job of protecting state secret has been left unattended by the SSS. They have preferred banditry to professional excellence. This mishandling of the Elendu situation is a case in point.

The SSS should release Mr. Elendu immediately. Moving forward, they should desist from harassing journalists, be they in the establishment media, opposition media, citizen journalists, or the agafu journalists.

Maybe this is the time to send SSS members to FESTAC Town for lessons on how to use the computer to do online searches. For a fee, the yahoo boys will give then a thorough lecture.

And if they really need a good assignment, they should go to the EFCC and find out who tampered with the files of Olusegun Obasanjo, Ibrahim Babangida, and all the corrupt governors that were once under trial.

What a bunch of jokers these SSS people are -absolute mad crowd. What manner of SSS has men at airports when their computers cannot scan passports? What manner of SSS rents itself out as bodyguards to Diaspora based Nigerians visiting home? What manner of SSS provides security to 419 kingpins?

Which reminds me, I stopped pretending to be a Nigerian commentator when I came to the conclusion that the madness of Nigeria has no method. And for anyone to be an effective commentator, there has to be method to the madness. Trying to analyze a dysfunctional state like Nigeria is simply a thinking man’s route to madness.

I know some SSS people. They are not the brightest crayons in the box.