Don’t even ask where I have been. This is an emergency.

Because of this bloody size-ten-shoe-wearing Iraqi journalist, Muntader al-Zaidi, of Al-Baghdadi, all reporters will now take off their shoes when a president comes around for a press conference.

I don’t like that. I don’t like that at all.

I am going to school to become a respectable journalist. I do not want to walk into a press conference wearing stinking socks only. Come on, it would not go well with my Walmart suit and tie.

This is really a new low. Not for President Bush. He is as low as he could get. This is a new low for our beloved profession - journalism.

We are taught that reporters should just report the news – the facts. DO NOT PUT IN YOUR OPINION in your piece. Now what opinion is stronger than throwing your shoes at a visiting president who is in front of you to answer your questions?

I understand the need in Iraq and other parts of the world to insult President George W. Bush. Our comedians here in the U.S. do that every night.

What I do not understand is the choice of vehicle used by this reporter to insult Bush. Size ten shoes?

I think Bush might have gotten the last laugh. He dodged the shoes. The same way he has dodged all serious charges thrown at him in the last eight years.

Just like many people around the world will never forget the clip of Bush ducking, many in America will not forget the size of the shoes.

Size ten only?

Bush knows that Americans will find it funny and that was why he said, “It was only size ten shoes.”

The sublime message is clear. If he wears just size ten shoes, what size is his thing? Yes. The other thing.

Aha!

That explains a lot of things about Saddam and the palaces and Iraq and all those asking that the reporter be released because they agreed with the editorial he threw.

Oh well, I got to go. Jay Leno is coming on. It is time for we, the Americans, laugh at Bush the way we do it.